Why Won't Anyone Listen To Me?

I had to think for a couple seconds about the title of this blog. I wanted to highlight the need for patience, prayer and humility, but titles with those concepts just wouldn’t adequately describe the purpose of this entry. The truth is, I want this blog to be an adequate reminder of an attitude and practice that I want to maintain in my life. I figured the title should reflect the attitude and line of questioning I had when God revealed to me the untrusting nature of my belief.

Let me set the background scenario for how I began to think of these things. The first thing you should know is that I believe the Bible to be true and adequate for training us in all areas of life. I believe it should be the primary source for Christians to understand how our lives should be lived. This would include our attitudes at work, at home and at church. It would also include the way we as a corporate body structure our churches. I believe firmly that God has not left us without instruction to something as dear to Him as His Church. I believe firmly that Scripture should drive us in all that we do. Part of that is submission to church leadership. That’s a background of my beliefs relevant to this discussion. Now I’d like to detail my predicament.

Believing all these things has translated historically into a lack of grace in my life when discussing with people who seem to me to have impure doctrinal beliefs. I have historically grown impatient with those who seem to misuse the Bible, or simply not understand it correctly. The last few years, God has been working on my heart to make me more gracious. Unfortunately for those around me, it’s been a slow process. I don’t want to write to much about the actual scenario, lest those involved would feel I had betrayed their trust, or talked badly about them - that is not my intention. I’m simply writing these things so that I remember them in the future, and I feel that they may be of profit for the three people that read my blog. For sake of understanding what I want to share, it’s important (at least for me) to know (for me to remember) the context of how I learned it. So here is the scenario in a nutshell: I have very formed beliefs about what the Church is and how certain things should be practised. I was asked to do something by my church leadership which I didn’t feel comfortable with, as I thought it betrayed the truth of Scripture on particular areas of Church practice. That is the scenario. What to do in this situation was a source of great concern for me.

I began with prayer. My prayer followed three main lines of petitioning: that God show me how to react to the situation, that God show me if I erred in my interpretation of the Scripture and that God move the hearts of the leadership to understand the Scriptures correctly. All of these things, of course, I prayed would be according to the will of God. As I was praying for these things, God really spoke to my heart. He began to reveal an attitude in my heart that was untrusting of His methods and plans. I grew convinced through my study of the passages in question that my interpretation was accurate, but I noticed a desperate feeling in my heart to see my church practice according to the Scripture. This, needless to say, is not a bad thing. What was bad was my willingness to judge my leaders based on their not understanding the Scripture. I was eager to prove to them the truth of Scripture. I was willing to attack their current practices and argue about what was true and right. I was not willing to submit to their leadership and recognize that the same Holy Spirit which dwells in me also dwells in them. I was not willing to trust that God was working in this church, and that He had things under control. I began to feel uneasy about the situation, and I doubted whether I could have any ministry at the church. I began considering whether I needed to begin searching for a new church.

But God in his ever so gracious, ever so tender manner spoke to my heart. ‘It’s okay,’ He said. ‘Don’t forget why this issue is important to you. It’s important to you because I said it’s important. You can trust that if something is important to me, I will work it out. The truth is that I know what I’m doing, and I’m working at your local church. Take your stand and refuse to do what they’ve asked, because your conscience is convicting you. Then submit to their leadership and follow whatever decision they come to. Don’t forget that I chose them to shepherd my church, and I’ve given them authority over you. Don’t trespass my Word with the guise of following my Word. Don’t be divisive. Don’t judge. Just trust that I’m working in the church, and I will execute my will. Remember that I’m a patient God, patient even with you when you sin against me, and I’m asking you to be patient with my people, as I’m patient with you.’

So I have a problem with trust, do I? As I began to search my heart I recognized that yes, yes indeed I do have a problem with trusting the Lord. I give up so quickly because ‘things aren’t right.’ Thank God He doesn’t give up so easily, because when it comes to me at least, things are almost never right. Trust. That’s what I’ve gotta do, huh? Trust.

The concept is so simple: God knows everything, He has power to accomplish anything He wants to, so just trust that He knows the circumstances of my particular situation, and trust that He has the power to accomplish what’s best in my particular situation. So simple… to give lip-service to. I began finding how difficult it is to just trust that God is working in other people’s lives. As I began trying to focus on this idea, though, there was a very real positive practice that began to develop in my life. Prayer. Real heartfelt, intercessory, supplicatory, thankful, penitent prayer. I started to approach all my relationships with this main idea at the forefront of my mind: God is working in this person’s life. I began to stop trying to convince people of how right I am, or even of how they need to follow the Scripture, and began to just pray for these people sincerely. It doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped telling people they need to submit to the Lord or follow the Scripture, but I’ve realized that it’s not my job to convince them. I can honestly leave it up to the Lord! He knows what He’s doing. If there is something Biblical that is important to me, it’s infinitely more important to Him. If I don’t see Biblical practices being practised, it’s entirely arrogant of me to think that I can somehow cause them to be practised. God is entirely more powerful than I am, and He cares for these things entirely more than I do. More than that, He’s asked me to pray that they occur, and trust Him.

So I trust. I trust God to work in other people’s lives. I trust God that the same Spirit He’s given me, He’s also given to others who have believed on His Son. What’s that coming my way? Oh, freedom. Hi freedom, it’s nice to finally know you! The freedom that comes with a simple trust in the Lord and His Word has been monumental in my life. I’m well aware that to most Christians all that I’ve just written is completely basic, fundamental and boring. For me though, because I haven’t been practising it, it’s been transforming. Why won’t anyone listen to me? Because I’m just a jerk trying to convince people that I’m right about the Bible. Why would anyone listen to me? Because I’ve simply trusted the Lord and prayed that He would work in their hearts, and when I discuss the Bible with them, I’m not trying to convince them I know something they don’t, but graciously offering what the Lord has taught me and what about the Scripture drives me to do what I do, and believe what I believe.

Unclear ramblings... don't read

It seems it's been a while since I've really written about a subject with the intention of finding an answer. I don't just mean posted on this blog, but actually taken the time to really think over and meditate on a subject. I've thought about things, true, but I just haven't really been searching for answers. I think I've just been enjoying the process of thought. Certain philosophies have crept into my mind unawares, and I suppose it's partially because of those philosophies that I haven't really taken the time needed to gain answers. These philosophies would include the 'don't worry about the answer, the enjoyment comes from the questions,' and 'you've always got time to figure these things out, just enjoy your day today.'
What a rude awakening I've received lately. It seems like God has finally allowed the dam to burst; the dam that allowed me to store questions away for 'further observation.' Issues that I am incapable of giving adequate, Scriptural (for every good answer surely must be rooted in the Scriptures) answers to complicated questions. A friend of mine has challenged me on the idea of having answers to questions. He thinks life is such that we just kind of depend on God during the period that we go through trials, and we learn both the questions and the answers during that time. I grew so uncomfortable when he was trying to explain this to me, but I couldn't adequately support my belief that we need to be rooted in God's Word (knowing what God has to say in His Word about issues) before the situation arises. I'm reading Psalm 119 right now. I'm absolutely amazed at how the Psalmist approaches the Word of God in nearly every verse! At one point he says that his soul is 'crushed with longing after (the Word of God) at all times.'
I realize what someone may say to this. Someone might well say, 'you're using a circular argument.' This may seem to be true on the surface, but the argument runs much deeper than this. Let me put forward the argument like this:
1) I believe that Christ is who He said He is on the basis of the resurrection.
2) I received the news of His resurrection from the Scriptures.
3) The same Scriptures which tell me of His resurrection tell me of His life.
4) Jesus is shown to have a high view of the Word of God, and tells me His Word is true.

Therefore,
5) I believe the Word of God is true.

Therefore,
6) I believe what the Word of God says about itself.

I guess that, in a nutshell is why I believe the Word of God to be so important. The reason isn't because the Bible tells me so (although, in a way, yes it is), but rather that Jesus proved His claims by rising from the dead.

This was not supposed to be what this blog was about, though. The real thing I wanted to write about was the idea of compartmentalization. I've been told recently by a friend of mine that 'Christians tend to compartmentalize life,' and that this is a bad thing. The idea really resonated with me, but not in a good way. Of course I didn't have an answer, nor did I even try to engage the idea at the moment, I just let it pass away into the air. But I've been thinking about it. The reason I've been thinking about it is because I do compartmentalize life. I put ideas into categories. I filter comments and remarks people make through the appropriate compartments that they touch upon. It's what I do. Is it bad?

Thinking about it, I've got to say no, it isn't bad. It's actually helpful to me. The reason I compartmentalize ideas is not because I want splinter life into different categories and divide life into separate, unconnected areas. The reason I compartmentalize is because it helps me understand the whole. I'm not infinite. God is. He surely does not view truth and life in propositional statements or ideas. I do. I must. I must because I'm not infinite and have no hope of ever seeing truth like that. Let me give an illustration. Take a watch. A watch has distinct parts to it, all of which contribute to make a watch. If one of those parts isn't working properly, the whole watch doesn't work properly. This is true of any kind of machine or system. The parts in and of themselves are separate entities which are composed of certain elements of their own. They are distinct, but they are all connected. Life and ideas to me seem a lot like that. I separate thoughts into categories, and I seek to know what the Bible says about a certain topic, not because I only want to know about that topic or idea, but because I want my life to run more smoothly, to be more in line with what God has designed. I need to know the parts in order to have a complete, working whole. That's why it's important for me to think about subjects, and then once understand what God has spoken about a particular subject, to see how it fits with the whole of His message.

Anyways, the conclusion of all of this is that I need to begin taking the questions I encounter and looking for the answers. I need to be diligent to find the answers, so that I can live my life adequately in the truth of God. I'm sorry to any of you who didn't heed the warning of the title of this blog. I really just wanted to throw some not-well-thought-through notions on paper (or screen) as a reminder for myself later of the importance of thinking through issues to find answers.

Secrets

Sometimes things happen to me or I witness things and just chuckle about them to myself. I don’t tell anyone about them. I’ve been thinking that it’s kind of sad that I don’t tell anyone, because sometimes they’re funny little anecdotes or interesting stories that add some colour to my life’s story. I thought I’d just write about them and post them on my blog. That way they’re recorded, so I can remember them, and the 3 of you who read my blog will also be in on some stories with me!
This week two things of note happened to me. On Monday night, I was walking to a meeting in Seomyeon from our apartment(which is a good distance). I had debated if I should drive, take the bus/subway or walk. I really wasn’t sure, and I made the decision to walk. During my walk I came to a point where I needed to cross the street. I waited at the crosswalk patiently for the ‘walk’ sign to appear. When it appeared I began to cross the road, the whole time being sort of lost in thought and prayer. I was rudely jostled out of my state of reflection/supplication by the sound of an engine revving. I glanced to my left and what did I see but a sedan accelerating in my direction. Over my years in Korea, I’ve learned that red lights don’t often seem to command the same respect to drivers that they do back home. I prepared myself to jump on the hood of the car (as I’d done a couple years earlier) and shouted a rather forceful ‘HEY!!!!’ The car came screeching to a halt about a foot and a half in front of me. I looked up and saw before me a woman, scared and embarrassed. I then continued with my walk, shaking my head a little.



Earlier in the same walk something happened that I couldn’t stop myself from laughing at. Close to our apartment is a police station, and in front of it there was some loud yelling. A confrontation between a short, near-elderly taxi driver and a tall, young, well-to-do arrogant man was taking place. The taxi driver was yelling at the young man and the young man’s girlfriend or wife was yelling at the taxi driver. The young man was making remarks, and was clearly upset, but wasn’t talking as rapidly as either the taxi driver or the woman. I was wondering if I was going to see a fight take place. What happened just blew my mind, and it’s a picture I won’t soon forget! All of a sudden the young man spat in the face of the taxi driver. The taxi driver grew enraged and spit in the young man’s face, rather comically and with some effort because of the height difference. Surely, I thought, this will come to blows. Again I was wrong. A spitting war ensued. I’ve never seen anything like it! It was like two sprinklers fighting. Each wet blow was followed with a wet response. Finally, the taxi driver gave a weak slap to the young man’s face (it was so weak it actually resembled more of a push). The young man responded with facewashing (hockey fans know what this is) the taxi driver. The ‘fight’ ended with the taxi driver wiping his glistening head with a handkerchief and looking around, wounded, as though trying to find someone to verify that he’d been wronged by the young man. It was at that moment that I was sure that I made the right choice to walk to Seomyeon.

I AM

I’ve been a Christian for a long time, and the majority of that time has seemed to be a little, shall we say, flat. I’ve often marvelled at the descriptions of power that surround the early Church in the New Testament. I’ve often asked myself the question, ‘why don’t you see power like that in your own life?’ We’re certainly told that belief in the Gospel brings with it an incredible power to transform your life; to make you new. Why is it that I so often feel that my faith just has not produced that kind of power?
Through my years of study/experience, I’ve come across what I think is the answer to this question. That answer is simply that I do not pray enough and honestly humble myself under the Word of God. I’ve been able to neatly categorize many of the ‘great truths’ of the Bible, and I have a lot of intellectual knowledge of the Word of God. But I’ve known for a long time that the practical side of my faith has been perversely shallow. I’ve known this for a long time, but could never quite find the ability to change it. I would concentrate on the Spiritual Disciplines and devote myself to really reading the Word of God and even what I would have called ‘prayer’ at the time, but the effects would usually last only a couple of weeks or months. There has always been something lacking in the way I’ve approached my spiritual life.
Recently, as I was praying, something really clicked for me. It was an incredible enlightenment, though nothing I hadn’t ‘known’ before. It suddenly dawned on me that when I was praying to the LORD, I was praying to another person. I wasn’t just having dialogue with myself. My prayers were not merely me thinking through situations. I was making my heart known to a God who is really there and listening. The personality of God is something that has long been lauded by Christians, indeed I myself have even praised it, but all these years I lived as though God were an idea and not a person. The thought both terrified and comforted me. I realized, for maybe the first time in my life, that I really needed to submit myself to the will of another. God is not an idea, He’s a person, and so we cannot just make any assertions that we want to about Him. He is a real being who has a real personality. I can’t just view Him in whatever way I want to. I can’t make statements about Him that aren’t true, in the same way that I can’t make statements about my mother that aren’t true. Through living with and talking with my mother I know certain qualities about my mother. In the same way through living with and talking with God, I can know Him in a true sense.
Not only has this reality given life to my prayers, but it has opened up the Scriptures to me in an entirely new way. God has told us certain things about Himself that He wants us to know. How important, then, is it for me to know those things. I’m now re-evaluating all of the attributes of God that I’ve learned and thinking about what they really mean. All of the attributes about God were completely meaningless to me, practically speaking, without the belief in the otherness of God. I’ve always* believed that Jesus was real, it’s always been easy to acknowledge that this man lived in real time/history. I’ve always believed in His death/resurrection. I’ve always believed in God. For some reason though, I never really approached Him as a person outside of myself.
This change in perception has changed the depth of my relationship with the LORD in an incredible way. What a wonderful thing to know that when God says ‘I AM,’ He says it because it’s true. He IS.






* I say this because it seems like I’ve been a Christian for my whole life, but not actually.