May 19th, 2007
I sit here on what looks to be one of 4 final weekends here in Geoje-do. I sit here knowing that I made a good first (last) weekend of it. At first when it really hit me that I might really be finished here, I grew pretty sad. I love it here. The island is beautiful, the church is great, the alone time is wonderful, and the job is more than I can ever expect to have again. It really does make me sad to think that I'll no longer be living here. I feel like my time isn't yet over here, and yet I also feel that I could grow stale living here any longer. It's a strange feeling.
Not being able to have the slightest clue of what God has in store for me, I decided being sad wasn't the proper response. Instead, I decided that I would just be thankful to the Lord, as I am every day, that He gave me the chance to live here and experience the things I have. Although I had sometimes hoped that this would never end, I've always known that at some point my experience here would have to come to an end.
Being highly reflective this weekend and following the Spirit's prompting, I was able to experience things fresh as well as have good times with friends, and reminisce over past experiences. Something that God has really impressed on my heart this weekend is that I truly need to trust Him in everything.
Not many people live in such a way that their life is uncertain' that the next year can hold a thousand different possibilities. That seems to be my lot in life, however. Living a life of constant change and shifting. I only pray that as the scenery changes, the soul changes as well, growing ever more like the humble life of my Lord Jesus Christ, the outcast.
I'm not sure what the next step is, but I'm sure of this; I will be happy. I thank God for the places I've gone and the things I've done. My experiences are my own, and I find satisfaction in that. When I was younger, I had hoped to do something great, be famous, and be remembered. Now I realize that that sort of thinking is foolishness and can only bring sadness. Now I realize that life is about living. Enjoying the things that God has granted me the joy of experiencing and remaining close to Him, bringing glory to Him in any way I can. I envy those who have been granted the pleasure of living a 'normal' life. To be surrounded by friends and family every day, able to enjoy the things God has blessed them with. Having a wife and children to love, and doing what God has provided for him to do in order to provide his basic needs.
The key to an enjoyable life is not going to exotic places and doing incredible things, but rather being able to see God in every moment of my life. Do I recognize the blesing that everything that happens in my life is meant for me and me alone? God has blessed me with the experience of life from my perspective, and although I'm coming to the end of an era, what's coming next is just for me...