Tuesday, September 29, 2009

To my daughter...

We went into the hospital on September 28th at around 8:00. After checking into the hospital, your dad took the car back home and rode back in a taxi. Your mom was surprised that I was able to call the taxi to our house. Luckily, I knew just enough Korean at that point to order a taxi. After I arrived at the hospital, we waited till about 11:30 when a nurse gave your mom something that was supposed to help open her womb. We tried to sleep that night, but couldn’t sleep much.
We woke up at 5:20 am the day you were born. We were both so tired and nervous. We weren’t sure what the day had in store for us, and I’m sure glad we didn’t know at that point. At 6:00 in the morning we went to the delivery room and they started to administer the drugs to induce labour at about 9:00. Everything was going well. At about 11:00 they told your mom she wasn’t dilating properly, so she had to work out until 1:00 to try and get her womb to open up. We went back to our room and she had to bounce on an exercise for 15 minutes, followed by walking in a small circle in our room for half an hour. She was so exhausted by the end of it.
Throughout the afternoon you kept trying to come out, but the passageway wasn’t opening any for you. At around 6:00 they told us that they were considering surgery. This blew me away. I think your mom handled it pretty well, but I had a pretty hard time with it. We would know by 9:00 whether or not you would be born. Your mom’s cousin came to the hospital and I was able to go back to your room, which was something I needed to do. I broke down crying and prayed to God about the whole ordeal. I had some trust issues with the Lord that I needed to deal with. Thank you for helping me with those things, my dear.
The people that came to the hospital were your mom’s cousin and 큰고모부. They really wanted to see you too. I was thankful that they came to support our family. At about 8:30 they decided that your mom and you needed surgery. So they brought you into the surgery room. I wanted to be in there too, but they wouldn’t let me. I waited outside and kept worrying. I kept hearing a baby start to cry and then stop. That happened several times, and every time it did I felt my heart sink. I tried fighting off tears so many times. Everytime your mom’s cousin talked to me, I had to choke back tears. I don’t know if it was because I was worried, or overtired… I think it was mostly because I was so thrilled at becoming a father. When they finally brought me to see you, I couldn’t fight back the tears. I started crying more than you. I managed to snap this picture of you:

After they showed you to me and I touched you, I was so overjoyed. My heart is just overflowing with love for you. For the next 20 minutes, I couldn’t talk to anyone without having to choke back my tears. I was just so thrilled that you were here. About an hour after you were born I was able to see your mother. She didn’t look too good. The anaesthesia really did a number on her. I told her I would check in on her every half an hour.
When they brought you to the glass to show you to me again, you kept looking at me. Here’s a picture:

I love you my child, and I will do my best, in God’s strength, to be a good father to you. I know I’ll make mistakes, but I pray that I will be able to show you how great a Father in heaven we have. I hope that I can teach you adequately that life is all about bringing glory to God. That is my purpose as a father. I love you, and can’t wait to bring you home.