Back in Korea

Well, it's been a while, and a lot has happened in my life. I've come back from a great summer at home with family and friends, to a situation I wasn't expecting back in Geoje. My life has changed a lot here in Geoje. This place is no longer the sanctuary and refuge that it once was for me. I had used this place previously to escape into myself; to relax and avoid the pressure and pace of living a responsible adult life. Now that I'm back here, God has impressed on my heart that I need to snap out of my laziness and quit making excuses for a lack of constantly being focused on Christ, and constantly working to understand His mind.

The truth is that I know I have to work, but have always desired entertainment. My fight against myself has always been a somewhat lethargic fight. I've generally given in to the momentary desires which I have contrary to the deep desires of my heart. What is life but Christ? What should my focus be on if not Christ? Why is it that to be a Christian seems so easy, but I find myself lacking in the practice? Perhaps my belief is not really what I thought it once was. Being a Christian means sacrificing ALL of my desires and dreams to the will of God. My life is no longer mine - yet I still have hopes and desires. I still maintain a portion of the things that I want and just blindly believe that God is going to give them to me because I'm a Christian. Is this really a biblical belief? Of course not, and so now my prayer is that I will simply submit my will FULLY to Christ's.